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Tuesday, September 21, 2010
7:30 PM | 
Posted by
pinkpuffyheart |
Yep, another blog out there in the mighty big gigantic blog-o-sphere. There is a blog for everything it seems these days. We all seem to feel the need to type out our thoughts and share them with every stranger out there in cyberspace. And guess what?! I'm becoming one of those bloggers! Go me? Yay me?
I've decided to start this blog the day I found out that I was being put on Hospice in June. (Every single time I say or think of the word 'Hospice', I think 'Ho-spice', lol). Yeah it took me this long to start this blog! What can I say?! Procrastination is my middle name, not Jane. Well it could very well be considering my mother can't find my birth certificate. But that's another story for another day. I want to keep everyone more caught up with me since I'm not online as much as I use to be, so I figured this blog would help keep everyone in the loop.
A little background for some of you readers... I'm a twenty-seven year old female with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy type II/III). Google, my friends. G-O-O-G-L-E. And well... my time on this wonderfully amazing planet is coming to an end.
Back to this whole dying process stuff and being on Hospice. It all started one week in June. It was a very bad week in June. I couldn't keep anything down me, not even water. I kept throwing up every little thing that entered my body. I was the sickest I had ever been sick in my entire life. After several miserable days that's when my doctor pulled my mom aside and said it was time I go on Hospice. I knew what she was telling my mom, I knew the moment I saw my mom's face when she came back into the room. I just... knew. I knew my body had given up. You'd think that hearing news that you're going on palliative care would be the scariest thing you've ever had to hear come out of someones mouth and directly into your ears, but it's not. You would think you'd start screaming or crying hysterically, right? You'd be in 100% denial and just say it's a tiny stomach virus and you'll be fine soon enough. Not me. "Okay. When does it all start?" I felt at ease. I don't know why I did, but I did.
I'm not scared of dying. I'm not. As morbid as it may sound I'm kinda curious and a little bit of me can't wait to see God and Heaven. I think it's going to be glorious and majestic. It's going to be... one of a kind.
The past few weeks have been really rough on me. A lot has changed. I do daily breathing treatments, my morphine has upped from tiny blue pills to shots and morphine skin patches. I'm on constant oxygen and I hate the stupid tube that has remain in my nose 24/7 just so I can breathe. Lot's of pain, lot's of sleep.
I still can't keep a lot of solids down. Surprisingly my stomach loves carbonated beverages, fruit, sour and gummi candy (that my wonderful nurse Heather has been keeping me supplied in! Gotta love Warheads and Sour Patch candies! Thank you, Heather!), some soups and other soft food but mainly I've been living off of the nutritional energy drink Boost. It's not too bad. Chocolate is the best, heh. Tastes like a milkshake.
So, that's where we are at today, and I have to thank God for one more day. Thank you, Lord.
A quick P.S. - My Bestie, Jackie Loo designed my blog. Isn't it cute?! She's so graphically talented and she's going to be the best nurse in 2011. She has been an amazing support to me these past few weeks and I don't know what I'd do with her. She is the sunrise to my sunset and I am so thankful to have her as my best Bestie. (Stop crying, Sarah. Yes I talk to myself, lol). I love you, Jackie. Thank you! Just... thank you so much.
I've decided to start this blog the day I found out that I was being put on Hospice in June. (Every single time I say or think of the word 'Hospice', I think 'Ho-spice', lol). Yeah it took me this long to start this blog! What can I say?! Procrastination is my middle name, not Jane. Well it could very well be considering my mother can't find my birth certificate. But that's another story for another day. I want to keep everyone more caught up with me since I'm not online as much as I use to be, so I figured this blog would help keep everyone in the loop.
A little background for some of you readers... I'm a twenty-seven year old female with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy type II/III). Google, my friends. G-O-O-G-L-E. And well... my time on this wonderfully amazing planet is coming to an end.
Back to this whole dying process stuff and being on Hospice. It all started one week in June. It was a very bad week in June. I couldn't keep anything down me, not even water. I kept throwing up every little thing that entered my body. I was the sickest I had ever been sick in my entire life. After several miserable days that's when my doctor pulled my mom aside and said it was time I go on Hospice. I knew what she was telling my mom, I knew the moment I saw my mom's face when she came back into the room. I just... knew. I knew my body had given up. You'd think that hearing news that you're going on palliative care would be the scariest thing you've ever had to hear come out of someones mouth and directly into your ears, but it's not. You would think you'd start screaming or crying hysterically, right? You'd be in 100% denial and just say it's a tiny stomach virus and you'll be fine soon enough. Not me. "Okay. When does it all start?" I felt at ease. I don't know why I did, but I did.
I'm not scared of dying. I'm not. As morbid as it may sound I'm kinda curious and a little bit of me can't wait to see God and Heaven. I think it's going to be glorious and majestic. It's going to be... one of a kind.
The past few weeks have been really rough on me. A lot has changed. I do daily breathing treatments, my morphine has upped from tiny blue pills to shots and morphine skin patches. I'm on constant oxygen and I hate the stupid tube that has remain in my nose 24/7 just so I can breathe. Lot's of pain, lot's of sleep.
I still can't keep a lot of solids down. Surprisingly my stomach loves carbonated beverages, fruit, sour and gummi candy (that my wonderful nurse Heather has been keeping me supplied in! Gotta love Warheads and Sour Patch candies! Thank you, Heather!), some soups and other soft food but mainly I've been living off of the nutritional energy drink Boost. It's not too bad. Chocolate is the best, heh. Tastes like a milkshake.
So, that's where we are at today, and I have to thank God for one more day. Thank you, Lord.
A quick P.S. - My Bestie, Jackie Loo designed my blog. Isn't it cute?! She's so graphically talented and she's going to be the best nurse in 2011. She has been an amazing support to me these past few weeks and I don't know what I'd do with her. She is the sunrise to my sunset and I am so thankful to have her as my best Bestie. (Stop crying, Sarah. Yes I talk to myself, lol). I love you, Jackie. Thank you! Just... thank you so much.
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5 comments:
Sarah Jane, I love you.
Sarah you inspire me. Even in such tragedy you still seem to be one big ray of sunshine! I love you so much and feel like its been such a blessing to just know such a wonderful person like you! I keep you in my prayers nightly and ask God to continue to give you strength if nothing else. Keep smiling bb! You are the best!
Oh.
My god.
I know you're a private person -- and I'm not really that active on AMKOL ... so no, I had no idea that you were coping with all of this. :((
Damn, I'm glad that YOU'RE more positive than I am: because I kinda wanna cry, and you and I haven't been fantastically close friends or anything ... but you were around for asshole ex-airman ... and I remember Steve and the honey in your wallet and ..
Stop dying, please.
Makes life seem a little bit too short.
PS: I'm google retarded, just so you know. One day when you're not sucking on Warheads [and I hated the sour powder like no other] ... can you dumb it down for silly little journalist? :))
Sarah, I had no idea that you had all this going on. I've always known that there was something, but not this. I am so sorry. You have always had a special place in my cyber world and you do nothing but make everything brighter. I love you!
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